Written for Linda G. Hill’s SoCS prompt, where she’s given us “left alone” and suggested that we use it any way we’d like.
As much as I have felt loved and supported in my cancer journey, it has still been a time of solitude. I have been left alone with my thoughts for most of the time. From the original diagnosis day, when my brain went to doom and gloom, to the wonderful news that the chemotherapy had worked, I’ve been left alone in my head to deal with it all. In reality, everyone is alone with their thoughts most of the time. It’s when you’d rather not be alone with your thoughts that you greatfully welcome others in.
I have loved ones whose support has meant the world to me. I don’t think I could have made it without my tribe. I have been blessed with many amazing people letting me know they care. I have sadly, also been surprised by the lack of support from a few people I thought were friends. Clarity comes when facing this kind of crisis.
Now that my infusions are completed, my life is on a new journey. My goals are concentrating on taking care of myself. Dreams of my future are getting back in focus.
I am grateful for the opportunities to be a part of the real world. My granddaughter graduated from high school Thursday night. She worked hard to finish a year early. While we were unable to attend in person, we were thrilled to watch the graduation on a live stream. We had a better view of her, than her parents did in the stands. I am grateful for technology.
Yesterday, we made the 2+ hour drive to my daughter’s house for a small BBQ celebration. Even after our arriving late, because of a crash ahead of us on the freeway, my granddaughter was not ready. Why a beautiful 16 year old, needs such a great deal of time to “doll herself up” is beyond me. 😆 She and her girlfriends looked more adult than necessary. IMHO. I know I am just the old grandma 👵.
I decided to break all of my dietary rules for the BBQ.. I had done my hour of water physical therapy in the morning. I had picked up See’s candy for my granddaughter without getting ANYTHING for myself. I had taken a restorative nap. I wanted to celebrate her graduation. I wanted to participate in a joyful life experience. I had a couple of BBQd hot dogs. ( but only one bun) I had some potato chips too. I didn’t indulge in any sweets because skipping store bought cupcakes is easy for me.
Even with the exhaustion, I felt more “normal” than I have in a long time. Being present for another milestone in my grandchildren’s lives is a wonderful gift I am greatful for.