Every day is a new opportunity to try and be more in the moment. Yesterday was amazing because of a variety of things.
I didn’t get much sleep and I was still feeling pretty low. I tried to meditate, well I guess I actually did a strange form of meditation for me. What happened is that I cried and cried about this new medical issue. I cried for experiencing the worst fibro flare I have had in years. I cried about feeling that it isn’t fair for me to have yet another physical hurdle to endure. I allowed myself to be sad, angry, frustrated, and pissed off about what is going on. I was pretty tired of trying to just accept it. I decided I do not have to like, or be OK with this new diagnosis. What I do have to do is everything in my power to help myself be out of pain. After more than an hour of crying, swearing, and being angry, I finally felt a calm presence in my body. I was drained and I did not feel like I had the energy to do anything physical, so I didn’t. Allowing myself to do nothing is an anomaly.
After taking a nap, I decided I was physically progressing enough that I wanted to finally purchase the airline tickets to go to the retreat in October. I procrastinated making this purchase until I felt I was going to recover enough to be OK to travel. I am not a fan of airplane travel. Even before this latest blow, my body does not do well in any long travel. But I desperately want to go to this retreat.
I was in a very calm mood, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I tried to contact my credit card company and the airlines online. I was repeatedly unsuccessful. I remained calm. I then called the credit card company and was given great advice on how to use my points in the most efficient way. Following their advice, I called numerous numbers thinking they were a direct route to the airline. But it was a rouse to use some random companies services that I did not want. I still remained calm. I finally was connected to the right people but they were unable to help me with the stringent parameters I gave them. I went back to the number the credit card company gave me and I spent a couple of hours with them searching for a flight that would work for me. The agent was more than helpful. He listened to what I wanted and what options I would accept.
I needed the flight to be a direct one. Traveling from coast to coast is difficult enough without adding hours to it. I wanted to be in Boston at a specific time. I was hoping to be present for as much of the retreat as possible. I hoped to be able to avoid LAX. This was negotiable, but that airport is a nightmare to navigate alone. After searching and searching the agent was able to find something that worked for me. He then worked just as hard on finding the flight back. I was so happy with his efforts and I told him so repeatedly.
My spouse, knowing how poorly I have been feeling and the difficulty I would experience traveling for so long, advised me to request a first class seat. When the agent told me the cost of the ticket I momentarily thought I should not go at all. It was more than my new refrigerator. I decided I deserved to go and first class was going to be the best way. I have never traveled first class before. I never felt the cost was justified. The agent then applied my earned points and told me the final cost. I was in shock and delighted with the new number. It was going to cost me less than a pair of my orthopedic shoes. I literally threw up my hands and rejoiced. The world definitely wants me to go on this retreat. I was on a spiritual high.
My body was still exhausted. I relaxed the rest of the day. My friends reached out to check up on me. I felt loved and cared about. I felt less angst than I had in the morning before meditation.
There were a few urgent texts and calls last night. We dealt with them the best we could. Setting boundaries has been a life saver for my emotional well being. I am grateful for the wisdom of my therapist, my friends, Kim, and my search for knowledge.
This morning I did a few chores with new energy. I felt better than I have in a long time. My flare is still present and I hurt all over, but I am feeling better with my IC symptoms. My mood was better and I can see the pity party coming to an end.
I had an early Kim call after taking care of a few house things. It is a high point of my week to talk with her and to be guided by her. We are trying a new time of the day and it will hopefully be good for both of us. I asked for guidance on a few things going on in my life and as usual, she helped tremendously.
I decided to venture out to the big world today. Other than doctor appointments I have been fairly housebound. I went to the grocery store to get some ingredients to make myself some approved comfort food. I texted my spouse to see if he needed anything but he did not reply. So I purchased food to make dinner for him and artichokes, spinach, and cheese for dinner for me. I had no pain while driving. Still pressure, but I will take a no IC pain day anytime. I am used to my fibro pain. I know how to deal with it. I am grateful for making progress on the IC pain.
I am grateful today was better than yesterday. I am hopeful tomorrow will be better still. I am grateful for the energy to make dinner. I am grateful for completing an outing without pain. I am grateful for taking the step to make an appointment with my acupuncturist tomorrow. I am grateful for having the tickets for the retreat purchased. I am grateful for feeling more like myself. I am grateful for having my problems and not someone else’s. I am grateful for moments of joy.