SoCS March 20 – “cal”

Linda brings us our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday. The prompt  is “starts with cal.” Use a word starting with the letters “cal” as your prompt word.

My first thought when I saw the prompt was calories. I had decided to wait until Saturday, my time, which is is right now. It is 1 AM and I am awake and in the mood to blog, so here goes. 

I read another blogger who wrote so eloquently about calories. My train of thought was so very different, I decided to still go with my first idea. 

I first became concerned with the calories in foods when I was in the hospital with a ruptured appendix. I had always been a stick thin girl, but I was seriously underweight during recovery. I spent a month at the hospital in isolation after my second surgery to clean out the infection. I was exhausted all the time. I was told repeatedly by the nurses that I needed to consume more calories. Once I was no longer on IVs, every night before the kitchen closed at 10 PM I was told I needed to have a dessert.

The nurse on duty would bring me a hot fudge sundae to tempt me to eat. In the beginning I could barely eat a bite or two. I knew I was supposed to eat, but I had no appetite. Before all this happened, I was a big eater, just like my brothers. In my mind, calories were just another medication they wanted me to take. I was unable to swallow pills so the nurses would either give me liquid medicine or open up capsules and put the medicine in a small amount of chocolate pudding.   

They were trying to be helpful, but I was learning to dislike chocolate for the first time in my life. I remember vividly, every hour, on the hour, I was given food to eat. Most of the time it seemed like a punishment. The word calories had a negative meaning to me. I did not want to eat nor did I want to be told I had to eat or I would not be released from the hospital. 

By the time I was sent home I had gained a little weight but my mother was instructed to try and make me eat every hour I was awake. After another month at home I had gained a few pounds. I was 5 foot 4 and weighed 85 pounds. I looked like a skeleton for sure. Food was not my friend for the first time.   

Oh, to be told I need to consume more calories now. That time has passed. Calories are not my friend because they are a permanent fixture adding more curves than necessary.