A Funny for Fandango

An Atheist Goes to Heaven

An atheist goes to heaven. Baffled and full of questions he is being shown around by God.

“Why am I here? I am an atheist.”

“That does not matter, all good people end up here.”

As they pass by a gay couple kissing the atheist wonders

“Isn’t that a sin?”

“That does not matter, all good people end up here.”

They come by a Buddhist Monk, silently meditating.

“Wait, so you even take in people who believe in other religions?

“That does not matter, all good people end up here.”

Surprised, but intrigued the atheist looks around – when one last question comes to his mind

“But where are all the Christians?”

“They’re behind that wall over there. They like to think they’re the only ones here.”

 

Disclaimer: No offense meant to anyone. This came in my email and I just had to laugh.

Throwback Thursday #54 – Raindrops on Roses

Maggie is our host for Throwback Thursday this week. She wants to know about our favorite things while adolescents.  She says: Pick any period of your adolescence and think back to all your favorite things. Feel free to elaborate as much as you want.

If you care to join us, it’s easy.

• Write your own post sharing your memories and leave a pingback to this post in the comments.
• You can use the photo above in your post to make it easier to find.
• Tag it with #TBTMemory or #IRememberWhen.
• If you do not wish to write your own post, feel free to tell your story in the comments below.

This week’s prompt is: Favorite Things

Who was your favorite relative? Not to play favorites, but who was the person you connected with more than others? Aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparent, or parent? Why were you closest to them? As a teen, I would have to say that my paternal grandparents were my favorite relatives. I wasn’t able to see them as much as I would have liked to, but they were always kind and loving to me. Having them in my life made me who I am today. I am forever grateful that when my mom divorced their son, they still wanted us in their lives. 

What was your favorite TV show? Share a clip if you can find one. I was hooked on Get Smart and Bewitched for sure. I never saw this intro to Bewitched before. before. It was awesome.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057733/?ref_=ttls_li_tt 

What was your favorite book or favorite family story? I read a great deal as a young child. As a teen I was much more involved with journaling and writing poetry. 

What was your favorite, song, record, or album. Feel free to share a YouTube video of it. I was still hooked on the Beatles as a teen. I will admit that I listened to a wide variety of music, but the Beatles were my go to group.

Who was your favorite teacher? What grade were you in and what subject did they teach? I had a favorite teacher as a 6th grader, Mr. Brick. In high school, my favorite teacher was Mr. Tavenor. He gave me confidence to participate in public speaking and debate groups. I stayed in school because of him. He cared about his students and didn’t just work for the paycheck.

What was your favorite subject (not teacher) in school? Home Economics was my favorite subject in school. The teacher was very young and I admired her a great deal. I learned about cooking and sewing, which have been important in my life, to this day.

Who was your favorite (aka best) friend? What things did you do together? I had two best friends, R and L. We hung out at each other’s houses, cooked desserts, and went to concerts at the Forum. (R’s mom had season tickets to great shows) We talked on the phone, practically nonstop.  

What was your favorite way to pass the time? As a teen, I loved to write poetry and fiction stories. I journaled every day. I stopped writing poetry when bio-dad said it was a total waste of time after I sent him some of my poems. 

What was your favorite holiday? How did you celebrate? My favorite holiday was Passover. It is not at all what you would think of as a “fun” holiday. We had the 5 hour dinner and read the entire Haggadah both in English and Hebrew (my aunt, uncle, grandma and grandpa.) What I loved was the rich heritage I was exposed to. It was wonderful to be with family because I had no other relatives nearby. I still love Passover. I enjoy sharing my meal with friends and family whenever possible. 

What was your favorite toy or possession? Doll, camera, radio, bicycle? My records were my favorite possessions. They gave me company and joy.

Bonus: What was your favorite adventure? Family trip, amusement park, field trip, or vacation perhaps. I never went on a vacation as a kid. There was no money for that. Back in the day, Knott’s Berry Farm was free. I went with friends as a teen and that was terrific.

SoCS – Bored/Board

Linda is our creative host for SoCS. She gives us a task to complete and many many bloggers take up her challenge. This week she says:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “board/bored.” Use one, or use them both for bonus points. Enjoy!

To keep myself from getting too bored completing a lengthy task, I typically listen to music. If for some reason (like I accidently pulled out the wires on the outside speakers when painting) I can’t listen to music, then I sing a song to myself. I don’t usually sing the entire song, just the part that comes into my head. After far too long, I get bored with the song and try to think about another choice. Luckily my neighbors can’t hear me softly singing. I suppose if they could, they would think me a little crazy.

For days and days, I worked outside laying down the artificial grass and pavers. On one half I raked and leveled the ground as good as I could. Then I tacked them down with ground fasteners. When the final ones came, I just laid them down. It is too hot outside to work much outside. When the weather cools, I will go back and finish the job properly.

The last few days I have once again been cleaning and purging things in my garage. My messy garage needed some TLC.  Weeks ago, I sent off garage items to family members and took loads of materials to the thrift store. I have four large cabinets as well as a workbench and piles and piles of miscellaneous stuff. My goal was to clean out all the cabinets. (I will leave the workbench to a later date.) It didn’t help that I added objects to the garage that I had cleared out from my scrapbooking room.

I didn’t feel like listening to music in the very hot garage. To “kill two birds,” I decided to listen to some CDs that I might like to send off to a friend. She is dealing with eye problems and can’t read right now.  I had 4 CDs of radio comedies from the Smithsonian Collection. I worked tirelessly while enjoying The Jack Benny Show, Burns and Allen, Edger Bergen, Eddie Cantor, The Life of Riley, Our Miss Brooks, etc. I also listened to Gilda Radner Live in New York. I also listened to Ray Romano, Live at Carnegie Hall. The most enjoyable thing I listened to was Almost There read by the Irish author Nuala O’Faolain. It was wonderful. I will search for her other books now. After hearing her read her book, I’d really like to get them on CD. Her Irish accent is mesmerizing. I hope my friend enjoys the CDs.

I moved my rubber stamp collection from my scrapbooking room to the garage. I downsized the number of cabinets, and I thought I was ready to let the rubber stamps go. As I went through the huge pile of a few hundred stamps, I realized I was not ready to say goodbye to all of them. As I listened to the wonderful memoir, I sorted and categorized my stash. There is something therapeutic about holding and organizing things you love. After cleaning out my cabinets, I now had room for the newly categorized stamps. The large bag of stamps going to the thrift store should make someone happy.

After 6 hours of working this morning, I was ready to make a drop off at the thrift store. I showered and loaded up the numerous bags in the back of my car. There were books, gifts I bought for the grandkids that they are no longer interested in, board games, electric frying pans, 2 food processors and all the attachments, a couple of coats, a blender, a George Forman grill, some CDs, rubber stamps, summer dishes, small kitchen electronics, a framed piece of art, and other treasures loaded in my car. I decided to take Annie with me to the thrift store. I make the long drive to a Veteran’s Thrift Store because I believe they do better for the world than any Goodwill thrift store.

Annie was thrilled to get to go for a ride. We made it to the thrift store, and I popped open the back door. The worker came and told me they were only taking clothing because all their other bins were full. I explained that the majority of my items were not clothing. They said I could come back tomorrow because the drop off was open from 8 to 12:00, even though the store was closed.  Back we came to my house. The items remain in my car. Annie won’t get to tag along tomorrow because I need to pick up a few things at the grocery store.

My exciting life of cleaning and organizing leaves me anything but bored.

 

 

 

SoCS – Key

Linda is our tireless hostess for SoCS. She gives us our topic, and we get to write off the top of our heads.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “key.” Use it as a noun, a verb, or use it metaphorically. Have fun!

The commercial was the first thing that came to mind with Linda’s prompt.

 

As I have been cleaning out cabinets, drawers, nooks, and crannies, I’ve found tons of keys. I even found keys in my outside cabinet. Some have been hiding away for years. I have no idea what the majority of them go to. I have a problem throwing away a key when I don’t know what it belongs to. I am convinced that as soon as I toss it, I will need it.

Of course, I have a problem. I can’t find the key to my garage door. (the little one) It is locked on the inside and I have never needed to access it from outside. As I looked at my big pile of keys, I wondered if I had the energy to go through them. If I could afford it, I would just buy new locks.

I have a teacher friend who changed all the keys in his house to some sort of app on his phone. He no longer has regular keys. My fear would be that if something happened to my phone I could never go home. That’s a little frightening. 

At this point, I think I will try to figure out if I have the keys to the important locks around the house. Then, I’ll most likely make a piece of yard art with the leftovers. I wish I had a way to bend the keys because I’d love to decorate a bowling ball with them.  

 

A Little Wisdom On A Saturday

Very important:  Read to the end.

 

Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are ProbablyThe Family Dog!

Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual.