Father’s Day – Once In A Blue Moon

It is no secret that my bio-dad was not a good father figure. I missed out on all the father daughter relationship feelings. I was instead marginalized as “just a girl.” I found out he told his customers that he only had two kids, my brothers.

I visited my bio-dad once growing up. I was invited to travel alone, by train for eight hours, for a holiday. I was a very skinny sample size teen. His wife, at the time, took me shopping in the building for a wardrobe. I asked repeatedly if I would be spending time with B. I was told it would be much more fun shopping than hanging with him. That’s not how I felt, but I was unable to speak my truth at the time.

I always wondered what was wrong with me, that made me unlovable as a little girl, a teen, and an adult woman. He never knew me. He met my daughters once at at my niece and nephew’s bat and bar mitzvahs. He never met his only great-grandchildren. When bio-dad passed away last year, I felt no loss. Luckily, I had sought out therapy to heal my issues with his rejection. I can accept that the problem was him.

Father’s Day is something that has no special meaning for me. I had no real father. When my stepdad passed away (the only good one) many years ago, I knew I’d never celebrate a Father’s Day again.

Every blue moon I feel some sort of grief about what I never had.

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14 thoughts on “Father’s Day – Once In A Blue Moon

  1. That is sad. My ex wasn’t a great dad when my girls were little, but I always thought he loved them. I guess I was wrong because he abandoned them after our divorce & won’t talk to them now or have anything to do with his grandchildren. Sad, but his choice. I’m sorry you also had an uncaring father 😢

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    1. Thanks John. The list of things he did wrong is long. One brother disowned him as an adult. The other accepted his financial help and remained close to him until his passing. While I am not a fan of the phrase, it works here. IT IS, WHAT IT IS.

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