For Fandango’s Story Starter #42, which must begin with:
I would have happily married Darlene if it weren’t for her…
I would have married Darlene is it weren’t for her not being alive. Not that she is dead of course. It’s just that she’s never been alive. I am a designer for a mannequin company. Typically, I just work on the “Janes.” They are made for a client’s specific needs. Occasionally I get to design a fashion mannequin.
I worked with a lovely woman named Darlene. You could even say, I had a crush on her. I was too shy to ask her out before she transferred to another department. When the order came in for a particular high quality, fiberglass, unit with an ample shape, I knew right away I would make a Darlene.
I put all my energy into my design. The more I worked on the mannequin, the more I fell in love with her. She listened without judgement. She never rebuffed my attention. She was the perfect mate.
The finished product turned out so wonderfully, I could not give her up. Instead, she resides in the passenger seat of my car. This allows me to drive in the carpool lane and discuss the trails and tribulations of my day. The long commute allows me to keep her close at heart.