Michael at Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie asks us to consider the notion of the end.
Why must I drive myself to work so hard that I cause myself such physical pain? Why can’t I just choose a simple chore, or time frame to work and then quit? That just isn’t who I am.
A few days ago, after cleaning and organizing my sewing room for some crazy reason I decided to clean out the lateral file in the sewing room closet. Mind you it was 10:00 at night and it made no sense to start a project at that time. But then, I often lack the ability to use the sense that G-d gave me. I looked to see if I blogged about this silly chore and I could not find anything, so here goes.
I pulled everything out of the top file drawer. There were tax files from the 80’s on. I know I need to keep receipts for any home repairs on the house, so I had to look through every paper in every file. I made a stack of things to be destroyed. There was a small stack of home repair receipts.
I finished all of the 1980’s, 1990’s, and stopped at 2000. My pile to be destroyed was huge. I went through 2000 to 2006 (I think) and put them back into the file cabinet. I finally added the files up to 2019. I will go through them in detail at a later date. It was getting very late and I was getting to tired to think straight.
But I kept working. This time I pulled out the huge personal file from work. In it, I had all my principal evaluations, parent recommendations, college recommendations for my credential, etc. I had all the personal letters from my former superintendent. His letters were so wonderful and uplifting every time he visited. I read and reread his letters. I thought about why I still have all these mementos. I finally said a thank you to each of the wonderful people who enriched my life with their wonderful words. Some have passed from this earth and I am still ever so grateful for them.
What I finally realized is that my need for all these words of praise are no longer needed. My life as a working teacher has come to an end. I hold the sweet words in my heart and I no longer need to hold them in my hands.
I have been a busy woman for most of my life. It is time for me to end that way of living and enjoy this retirement. It is not as I thought it would be, but G-d willing, when this pandemic comes to an end, I shall again look at a new beginning.