Monday Musings

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I miss blogging. I miss the thought process needed to write my blog. I miss calm rational thoughts. I miss the energy to function in any normal sense.

I blame the pandemic. I blame the family drama currently going on. I blame physical pain I have recently endured. I blame the politicians who see the elderly as dispensable.

I am frustrated with my body that has no interest in food or water. I am frustrated with my body that will not allow me to sleep. I am frustrated with my body that has been too stressed to allow me to do activities that bring me joy.

But, (yes, I know that negates everything preceding the word) I am grateful that I am aware of my current state and yearn to improve it.

I am forcing myself to eat something twice a day. I have good food prepared and ready for whatever time I can bring myself to eat something. I am trying hard to drink more water. My IC pain is increasing, and I know I need to keep it at bay. I am starting a couple of meds to help with the insomnia.

I am working with multiple practitioners to climb out of this hole. I am reading articles on ways to uplift my spirits. I am accepting that I have no control over some things that are occurring. I am looking to my higher power for clarity to accept the things I cannot change.

I am grateful for so many things. One of which is the friends and family that care about me. I don’t know where I would be without the loving thoughts graciously extended to me. My spirits are lifted when I am speaking, texting, messaging, or Zooming with loved ones. They often remind me to care about myself as I care about others. Advice I need to hear.

I knew it was Monday today because I was anxious about an appointment I had. It went well and I am grateful for that. One day at a time I want to be more at ease. I want to find joy in the activities that I waited for retirement to do.

I want to be silly with my grandkids. I want to go to thrift stores to find yard treasures. I want to take trips to the beach.

I don’t care about any of those things more than my desire to have my life to live. G-d willing I will survive this pandemic to be able to find joy. I hope to resolve the things I have control over. I need to be here in order to do so.

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10 thoughts on “Monday Musings

  1. I think it is important to keep highlighting the “dispensable” aspect because some 20yo might hear it and hopefully think “that’s how they’ll treat *me* when I get there”. I am gradually meeting more and more seniors who have been contributing their whole lives, only to realise that there’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Quality sleep is so important to our immune systems. I hope you can get your sleep schedule on track.

    Have you done any video with the grandkids? It is not like seeing and hugging them, but just having an opportunity to chat and see each other sure does help!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope it all goes well, Lauren. Loving and supporting from a distance might be all we can do right now, but it might also be what sees them through the rough times.

        Liked by 1 person

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