I miss blogging. I miss the thought process needed to write my blog. I miss calm rational thoughts. I miss the energy to function in any normal sense.
I blame the pandemic. I blame the family drama currently going on. I blame physical pain I have recently endured. I blame the politicians who see the elderly as dispensable.
I am frustrated with my body that has no interest in food or water. I am frustrated with my body that will not allow me to sleep. I am frustrated with my body that has been too stressed to allow me to do activities that bring me joy.
But, (yes, I know that negates everything preceding the word) I am grateful that I am aware of my current state and yearn to improve it.
I am forcing myself to eat something twice a day. I have good food prepared and ready for whatever time I can bring myself to eat something. I am trying hard to drink more water. My IC pain is increasing, and I know I need to keep it at bay. I am starting a couple of meds to help with the insomnia.
I am working with multiple practitioners to climb out of this hole. I am reading articles on ways to uplift my spirits. I am accepting that I have no control over some things that are occurring. I am looking to my higher power for clarity to accept the things I cannot change.
I am grateful for so many things. One of which is the friends and family that care about me. I don’t know where I would be without the loving thoughts graciously extended to me. My spirits are lifted when I am speaking, texting, messaging, or Zooming with loved ones. They often remind me to care about myself as I care about others. Advice I need to hear.
I knew it was Monday today because I was anxious about an appointment I had. It went well and I am grateful for that. One day at a time I want to be more at ease. I want to find joy in the activities that I waited for retirement to do.
I want to be silly with my grandkids. I want to go to thrift stores to find yard treasures. I want to take trips to the beach.
I don’t care about any of those things more than my desire to have my life to live. G-d willing I will survive this pandemic to be able to find joy. I hope to resolve the things I have control over. I need to be here in order to do so.