Like the rest of the world my emotions have been off the charts lately. If I didn’t know better, I would say that I am under a great deal of stress. Everyone is stressed. Everyone has their own things they are dealing with as well as the shared anxiety of what is going on in the world today. I have not been up to blogging for a while. That is my indicator that I need to refocus my brain on to things I can control. So today I am giving my inner self time for a pity party. Then I will hug my inner child, let her know it is OK to feel her feelings, and then move on.
A = I feel abandoned by the world. It has betrayed my sense of safety and security. I feel aghast at the stupid people not staying at home for absurd reasons. I am angry for the lack of truth being told in my world.
B = I feel beaten down by the sad state of affairs in the world. Day by day things get worse and it makes me sad. I have been betrayed by someone that should care about my feelings and does not. I am bothered that I cannot do what I should do right now because of what is happening.
C = I am feeling caged in only because I hoped once the shingles pain ceased, I would be able to venture out into the world. I have no desire to stop being uber cautious during this time. I do not feel as connected as I wish I was.
D = I am feeling defenseless while trying to control my environment. Being in lock down with this overarching feeling is daunting to say the least. My gratitude bucket is feeling depleted right now. It is difficult to not have hugs nor comfort.
E = I am exhausted all the time lately. I am thoroughly enraged that some political people believe I am dispensable because I am 65.
F = I am frightened by the numbers that increase daily because I know they will get worse before getting better. I know that each “number” is someone that is loved. I am often floundering as I try to stay positive. I am fuming at the politicians who lie. I am frustrated by my inability to go through my emails. I have 413 right now and that depresses me.
G = I am gloomy when I cannot find joy. I try hard and sometimes I am not successful.
H = I am heartsick that I cannot hug those that I love. I hope they know how much I love them.
I = I am feeling isolated from those I love. I am impatient with myself often.
J = I am joyless more often than I care to admit.
K = I am having difficulty being kind to myself. I know I should do more self-care.
L = I feel lethargic which is uncomfortable to me.
M = I am feeling morose which is not my normal. On a better day I feel melancholy which is also not my normal. I am mistrustful of the world right now which makes me mopey.
N = I am nauseated every day which I attribute to the stress I am feeling.
O = I am feeling out of balance, out of sorts, and out of control.
P = I am having panicking moments which I hate. I am peeved by my inability to stay calm. I am pissed off at some people’s inability to be rational.
Q = I am feeling queasy over some decisions I need to make.
R = My brain is rattled when I try to think about all that is different now. I am reconciled to some sadness not going away. I am feeling robbed of a retirement I dreamed of.
S = I am sad for the loss of my life as I knew it. I am feeling sluggish every day.
T = I am often tearful when I let my guard down. I am in turmoil when I try to make decisions right now.
U = I am uncomfortable with what my world looks like right now. I am unhappy that not everyone is looking out for each other. I am unnerved with the lack of progress being made to help people.
V = I am feeling very vulnerable right now. It feels like I am a victim of circumstances beyond my control.
W = I feel worn out almost every day. It feels like the joy has been drained out of me. I am woeful as to when this shall pass.
X = NA
Y = I am feeling yucky about my own feelings. That makes me sad.
Z = At times like this I wish (for a moment) that imbibed in booze or drugs so I could be zonked and oblivious to what is going on.
Here is the good news. I didn’t make it very far into the list and my brain was working on counterstatements. I wanted to write an answer to my own feelings. I wanted to write all the ways I am grateful right now. It made me laugh to think that I was already aware that these feelings were temporary. It was a good exercise for me. I am OK feeling all the yucky feelings. I am OK knowing they shall pass. I am OK knowing I will be back to some sort of normal soon. I am OK.