Both these amazing women touch my heart.
The video resonated with me to the nth degree. For over a year now I have been consciously observing and living in gratitude. As a means of personal survival and growth I chose to be grateful for all I have in my life.
I have changed from the person I was as a frightened child. I have changed from the person victimized as a young mother and wife. I have changed from the person who chose being a “workaholic” adult as a positive personality trait. I have changed from the victim of PTSD because of a loved one.
I have changed because it was time to finally look inside and reflect. It was my time to slow down and enjoy all the good that I have in my life.
In this year of great progress, I have been constructing a tool box. In my tool box I hold things that benefit me because I am worth it. (That makes me tear up.) I have never felt I had self worth. I have always felt the need to prove myself worthy to others. I have always felt like the outsider who so wanted to be welcomed and loved.
This last year I have added people and strategies to my toolbox. They make me stronger. They give me happiness. They allow peace in my heart.
This year I made amazing friendships with some women I met in a writing class. I love them and feel loved by them. I have made good friends with a number of others in an online supportive group. They are friends beyond the scope of the group. They are uplifting and caring. Two other groups I also am a member of relate to my physical conditions. They are supportive and informative. There is so much to be said for speaking to someone else dealing with your exact illness. They shed light on possible treatments, concerns, and uplifting success stories. I have never known these types of connections before. I consider all these people as amazing human tools in my toolbox. They help tweak who I am and help reinforce me with strength.
In an endeavor to heal this last year, I added supportive strategies to my toolbox. I do grounding every day. I speak with my higher source for gratefulness and guidance. I pray for those suffering and for those who have the need to make others suffer. I meditate and allow my happy and sad feelings to be seen. I allow my furbaby to show me love and to teach me to be calm. I employ acupuncture and chiropractic healers to help me with my physical well being. I have the most amazing life coach who has helped me transform in happiness. I utilized the wisdom and help from an insightful therapist. I am enjoying my books that open my mind to new thoughts and experiences.
Then post retirement, 4 months ago, my body shifted to a new reality. I was devastated at the multiple diagnoses. I was spiraling downward wondering what I had done all the work for. Slowly I took the reins and researched and sought out help from the medical community. While there is no cure, there is the possibility of remission.
So remission became my mantra. I changed my entire diet immediately. I had to laugh at myself for all the food damage I had done to my body over the years. Then in one fell swoop, I changed everything for the possibility of remission. Did it take this awful disease to make me wake up and care about my body. HMMMMMMMM?
I changed many of my priorities to reach for lowered pain levels. Strangely, I was confronted by a few individuals who doubted my pain and struggles. I did not feel the need to detail my conditions to those who doubted. That was new for me. Those that love me and care about me, trust me. So many kind souls have reached out just to let me know they are there. This is new for me. I have always cared for others but wondered if I was worthy of the same.
As new conditions arise and my body needs my help, I will graciously do my best. I now feed my body only foods that are good for it. The restrictions are limiting, but I am happily learning to make new dishes. It is not difficult to eliminate foods that might cause you great bodily pain.
Today I decided to have an optional treatment that worked once before. The procedure brought a low number pain. But the low number right now should mean a longer time without higher numbers. Its all about the big picture. Its all about living a life I dreamed of. Its all about being grateful for what I do have. I have so much to be grateful for and remission is one of those things.
I am working not only toward health and healing, but also toward a wonderful +10 adventure. Last May I said “hell ya” to a fall retreat in New Hampshire. This retreat means a number of anxiety ridden firsts for me. I feel I deserve to go. I know it will be a wonderful healing retreat. If my body will allow it, I shall be there.
The quote below showed up on my email today. It was part of a wonderful post about knowing when things are right and accepting them. I requested and received permission to use her words. Thank you Barbara for another tool to keep in my toolbox.
“Energy and life can shift instantly, and when we go with the flow, amazing things happen. It’s that simple. ” By Barbara Jacksha You can read her entire post here.