No morning meditation today. I went outside at sunrise to begin my work. I knew the day would be a hot one and I wanted to get a lot done. As I worked and painted I kept thinking of where I am today. I am a retired woman with too many things to do.
I pondered what my mother was like when she retired. She had worked so hard her entire life. Most of the time she was barely keeping her head above water. When she married W it was the easiest time of her life. She still worked hard but now it was different. Instead of being a waitress at two or more jobs she was selling real estate. She started taking classes at the local junior college by joining me in an art class. We had such fun practicing the names of ancient art pieces. Then she continued to take more classes and ended up getting her real estate license. I was so proud of her reaching a lifetime goal. But I digress.
She retired and they moved to AZ. Retirement meant that for the first time since she was 16 she wasn’t working full time. Retirement for my mom meant time to crochet, time to play canasta, and mahjong. She was so enjoying her new state and new friends. She finally took time to travel. Mom and W wanted to travel to see all 50 states. I don’t know how many they made it to. I know they enjoyed their travels and that makes me happy. I made scrapbooks for them so they could look at their travels.
My retirement will be so very different from hers. I like different things. But the reality is, we both seek things we enjoy in retirement. She did get to see many of her dreams. In her later years I would travel to AZ every month to visit with her and do “honey dos” for her. We would bring my grand kids out to visit. She adored her new title GG = great grandma. I did not ever think about what my retirement would look like during that time. I was spending valuable time with my mom as well as my kids and grand kids. I wish we had more conversations about what she did that made her happy. I am missing my mom and wish I had more time to talk to her.
Evidently at some point my older brother asked her, her opinion of him. She sent him an email and CC me. I am not sure why she felt I needed to see the email. I have no contact with my toxic older brother. The next time I visited Mom, she wanted to know if I cared about her opinion of me. She wanted to have a serious conversation. I told her if that made her happy it was fine with me. She told me she was proud of me. She was so pleased that I had continued school and even though I married at 18, I never gave up on my goals. She expressed how happy she was with the way I had raised my daughters. I never thought I needed or wanted her approval. There it was though and it made me cry. So two old women shared joys of reaching places they never thought accessible.
In my retirement I will be able to work on my house, enjoy my hobbies, and spend time with those I love. I will have time to sit and read and do nothing if I choose. Right now I am a woman on a mission to fix up and clean out my surroundings. I think I have an internal goal to get most chores done by the time school starts. That way, when everyone else is back to school, I will be retired with only fun things to do.
I am grateful for reaching this time of my life. I am grateful for all that I have done. I am grateful for all that I still want to do. I look forward to a long retirement while making amazing memories.